That Awkward Question

I am about to let you in on a shocking secret!!!  Something that very few people know about me.  Are you ready for it? 

I am single.

Shocking!! Or not so much because it's pretty much the worst kept secret in the history of the universe. 

What is perhaps more shocking is that in the 21st century people still don't know how to have a conversation or really know what to do with a single woman who is pushing 30.  Maybe it's because I live in the land of the spud where the average age of a woman getting married for the first time (sadly it's important to note this reality we live in) at 23.4 years old (2nd lowest age in the nation) and men entering their first marriage is at the ripe old age of 25.5 years old (lowest age in the nation).  If I lived in New York or Connecticut it is entirely possible that I would come into contact with people who have something in common with me.  Single. Pushing 30. Not dating. Enjoying life alone. 

This brings me to the awkward questions that, I can only assume, are supposed to be conversation starters.

1. Don't you want to get married again? (Ummm...if I answer "no" I am in denial, and if I answer "yes" I am considered desperate.  How does "maybe" sound?)

2. How can you not want a baby? (Well I am not exactly in a situation right now to be thinking about that and...oh ya...none of your business!!)

3. Have you tried online dating? I know my uncle's cousin's brother's aunt's grandma's goldfish met his wife online and they could not be happier! (Good for them...I have dabbled...no comment)

And then there is my ALL TIME favorite!! This is the question of all questions.  The awkward query that shall go down in infamy! 

4. How are you still single? (@#(*$(@*$(@#$*.....You sooo did not just ask me that!!)

There you have it!!! The most loathed question among all single people across this great nation! The one question that suggests (as if you already hadn't thought this about yourself) that there is something intrinsically wrong or defective about you! 

(As a defective single woman, I spend the majority of my life at work.  So many of my life experiences that I share will come from the people I interact with on a daily basis.)

Not too long ago, I overheard a conversation a couple of my agents were having.  One agent was saying to his peer, "Have you ever wondered why Lindsay is single? She is funny, smart, cute, and successful." To which the other person in the conversation replied, "I don't know.  Maybe outside of work she is crazy."  Of course then the first agent who started the conversation felt the need to reply, "That's true. It's possible."  

Now I am not disputing that I have a little crazy going on.  I am female, have the last name of moody, love the Seahawks (next time you interact with the 12th man you will understand), actively cheer against Boise State while living in/near Boise, and many other things.  I have already established that we all have our issues.  But my "crazy" is not made up of constant deal breakers (49er fans need not apply...please see 12th man reference if you require explanation) and do not require psychiatric assistance or medication.  They are just a few of my quirks that I came by biologically or after utilizing the good sense that God gave me (Seahawks and cheering against BSU).  

I will legitimately answer the awkward questions. Yes, I would like to get married again. Someday.  I was a good Idaho girl and got married at 24 years old and endured an extremely painful (is there any other kind?) divorce at 25.  I have had 1 relationship since and while it was wonderful while it lasted, it ended in a mess of betrayal and devastation.  I haven't given up on love and marriage but I am not in a hurry to rush into something that isn't right and ends in further heartbreak. A baby? Maybe...someday. How can I consider having a baby when I am not in any sort of relationship let alone married? Cart meet the horse. Let's not get ahead of ourselves.  Online dating? I have dabbled. I went on one date. It was a miserable experience. Not going there again. 

And then there's the big one...

Why am I still single? Because I am not desperate for a relationship.  If I was, I could have been married and divorced another 4 times by now.  It's not for lack of dating offers or eligible guys.  It's because I am not interested in playing the field. I take relationships far too seriously to just date around casually. If I can't see a future with a guy or I don't want to elongate the date by ordering dessert, I see no point in going on a first, second, or third date. I don't necessarily enjoy being single all of the time and I don't want to grow old alone, but I would rather be single and alone than in an unhappy, dysfunctional relationship.  I am not an advocate for the women's liberation movement, but there is something to be said for a strong, independent woman who knows what she wants, doesn't settle, and isn't afraid to face life on her own.

 So the next time you encounter a single person male or female, and are wondering what is wrong with them that they are alone, maybe think to yourself that they are single not because there is something wrong. Maybe that person is unattached because there is something right.